A few days ago a good friend of mine lost his son in an automobile accident.  When I heard the news my stomach tightened and breathing was difficult.  Tears stung my eyes.  The news was tragic but as I thought about my response, I realized there was more involved in my reaction then the physical symptoms generated by the horrific news. 

I am a father to a son and to several daughters.  While the death of a child would be something I pray I never have to experience, the response to death would be different for son or daughter.  Not a deeper response or a more heartfelt response, just different.  The pain and heartache would be just as intense for either, but for differing reasons.  I suspect mothers feel much the same when a daughter is lost.

A son represents an opportunity to teach manhood.  A chance to teach all that is involved in learning what it means to be a man.  He represents unlimited possibilities.  We can teach him and shape him to be just like we are, less our bad qualities.  A father always sees his son as accomplishing more than he was able to accomplish.  He represents a link to a future generation.  In a very real sense it is a continuation of existence, and through him, the possibility of affecting future generations.  He serves as a receptacle for all of our vast wisdom.  He is the one who will carry on our name and add to it through his sons and daughters.  All men long for respect and we carry with us the hope and belief that our son will grow to reverence us and eventually come and seek our advice on life.  He will be our close friend.  To lose all those possibilities makes the loss of a son a most gut wrenching and almost unbearable thing. 

Intuitively I knew this when I heard the news about my friend and his loss.  I could empathize on a deep level because I am a father to a son.  It also led me to consider another Father who lost a Son to death.  A most cherished Son.  All the possibilities represented by God’s son here on Earth were lost with His death.  The pain and suffering was tremendous for the Father and the Son.  The Son’s body was almost unrecognizable at His death.  The Father was in agonizing pain. 

My friend is a true believer.  He knows in his heart his son was a believer.  Just like his heavenly Father was many years ago, he is in pain.  What could have been is gone, lost forever in this life.  But for the believer, what can be and will be, is still there.  Praise God!  The pain and agony of the “could have been” is blunted by the glorious grace of the “what can be and will be.”  Do the wonderful possibilities of the future make the immediate loss less severe?  Only the foolish or those untouched by tragedy believe in that cure-all.  But as time marches relentlessly forward and the past recedes into many yesterdays, the glorious future becomes more and more the reality and the past becomes the trigger for satisfying thoughts of what God has prepared down the road.  Relationships will be renewed and healed and restored to levels unimaginable to the finite and limited reality of what we perceive today.  The son and the father will be together again.